THIS IS A LONG WORKING unpatterning and recognizing what is no longer serving you is a complex and non linear process. It is a process unique to each person using the tools and guides that work the best for you. I would never dream to say there is one way or that I am an expert. This work can be hard so be gentle, get support, and go slow.
My path has involved therapists, friends, lovers, meditation, dreaming, writing, and much more. The most important piece is self awareness or an ability to look at yourself in a slightly objective way. Meditation has helped me so much with this, as well as regular journaling. Journaling also gives you the gift of looking back. As painful as they may be, reading my old journals reveals so much to me. Once in my Eating Disorder recovery as adult I found a list of what I ate in day from 1996. This pattern immediately revealed itself as I looked at my childish handwriting and could compare it to the list I had just written that day. The reality of 16 years of this pattern was impossible to ignore.
With Guides - look at who has been around you? Did you have an “invisible friend” or a favorite animal that was always with you? As a teenager I would often daydream about being older and imagine my older self and my friends. Look back at those folks. Were they really your imagination or did they provide you with help and guidance?
What tools / tips / help they offer you then, and are you still doing that? Take a quiet moment and ask “are you still here with me?” And then check in - Is that tool / behavior / guide / coping mechanism helping me in my current life?
Some questions for journaling or friend discussion:
- What are things that I am still working on that I did in High School? Middle School? As a child?
- When I am in this feeling, do I feel like my adult self?
- If I was to write a story about where this came from - what would it be? Who would be in it? Who reminds me of it? Be creative! Be silly! Be open!
Other tools are Dream Work. This can be a softer way to reveal what is ready to shift. Set the Intention before bed and ask you Guides to show you what is no longer serving you. Ask the old Guides to step forward and show themselves so you can let them go with love. Write notes when you wake up. Repeat this as often as you like. Let the pieces you remember become a story and write that story. What does this story reveal to you?
This work is hard and doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it requires professional help. The Deer and I have been working on the “Freeze” for 10 years, and only now do I understand that they were my Guides from childhood. Let this unfold in a softness.
Tomorrow we will build Altars and honor what we know now and what is still is mystery.